Tick-Tock
What does it mean
When the storm won't secede
From your mind, the thunderstorm
A noise so loud, and yet the norm
What does it mean
For the switch of scene
To be serene
The buzz of the busy bees
In the disconnected hive mind,
Connected only to a singular eternity
Eternity
Singularity
Inevitability
The only unending truth
In all of reality
Is that there is no eternity
If time should choose
To stop.
Monday, February 27, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
Important Questions
Important Questions
Who am I
To tell you who I am
When I can barely begin to understand
To comprehend
To put into words
The thoughts that drive me
To be
Who am I
But a sleepless mind
A tiring heart
An analyzed inkblot
Seeping through the page
Who am I
If not what I am
--But maybe...
Maybe it's "what"
Not "who"
Maybe "what" is by far
The more important question
The answer to which
Would be the foundation
Upon who I am
Could stand
The truth to the question
Lies not in the answer
But in who must find it
I am no one's inkblot
To be analyzed
No one's puzzle
To be solved
I am not to be figured out
By others
I am to be built and refined
By me
So, what am I?
I am my own journey.
Who am I?
I am my own traveler.
Who am I
To tell you who I am
When I can barely begin to understand
To comprehend
To put into words
The thoughts that drive me
To be
Who am I
But a sleepless mind
A tiring heart
An analyzed inkblot
Seeping through the page
Who am I
If not what I am
--But maybe...
Maybe it's "what"
Not "who"
Maybe "what" is by far
The more important question
The answer to which
Would be the foundation
Upon who I am
Could stand
The truth to the question
Lies not in the answer
But in who must find it
I am no one's inkblot
To be analyzed
No one's puzzle
To be solved
I am not to be figured out
By others
I am to be built and refined
By me
So, what am I?
I am my own journey.
Who am I?
I am my own traveler.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Crashing Waves, Receding Waves, Crashing Waves
Crashing Waves, Receding Waves, Crashing Waves
It comes back
It always comes back
The strife
The struggle
The heartbreaking reality
That all happiness is temporary
All sadness
All grief
All of everything
That pumps through the heart
Eventually ends with the last rhythm's beat
We have those
Who love us
Truly love us
And they say
We'll make it
And when we do
We'll come back stronger
Come back better
Come back greater than before
We'll come back!
Come back!
Come back!
But what we hide so well,
What our desperation
Enables us to pass off
As will power unflinching,
Is our greatest secret
We are
In fact
Broken
Pieces left behind
In torment's ocean
Pieces we can't get back
The pieces that do come back
Sometimes don't fit
But our desperation stabs them in
To this new base
This new shape
Hardly recognized as more
Than a bloody mess in the mirror
The frustration wells up
At the pointlessness upon the surface
At the feeling of being unjustified in sadness
At the feeling that we are too weak
To keep this wave
From being the last one
The one that drags this weakling
Or falsified will power
Down into the depths
The darkest depths
The deepest depths
Depths eternal
I am not the only one
Who can only swim for so long
I wish this shared struggle
Were indeed shared
But the truth is it isn't.
The truth is that while we are not alone
In this struggle
We must each swim alone
Swim alone
Sink alone
Drown alone
In an ocean filled
With weak and weakened swimmers
So smile and brace
For the next wave
Stand for yourself
Be grateful for the loved ones who stand with
Even though you must leave them at the shoreline
You must swim alone
But for what it's worth
You--we--have people
People hoping with all they have to hope with
That we'll come back
And are ready to bloody their hands
As we pick up what's left of us
Piled up on the shoreline
Broken piles
Drowning in desperation
Spawned by fear, despite acceptance
Despite accepting
That the end is the most inevitable
Of all inevitabilities
We are still afraid
Afraid that we will be no stronger
In the next life
Then we were in this one
And that while the end is inevitable
Its absolution is not
The end is accepted for what it is
And feared for the exact same reason
Its potential is greater
That that of our lives...
I would continue,
But my muscles grow weak,
My mind grows weary,
And the tide is coming in.
It comes back
It always comes back
The strife
The struggle
The heartbreaking reality
That all happiness is temporary
All sadness
All grief
All of everything
That pumps through the heart
Eventually ends with the last rhythm's beat
We have those
Who love us
Truly love us
And they say
We'll make it
And when we do
We'll come back stronger
Come back better
Come back greater than before
We'll come back!
Come back!
Come back!
But what we hide so well,
What our desperation
Enables us to pass off
As will power unflinching,
Is our greatest secret
We are
In fact
Broken
Pieces left behind
In torment's ocean
Pieces we can't get back
The pieces that do come back
Sometimes don't fit
But our desperation stabs them in
To this new base
This new shape
Hardly recognized as more
Than a bloody mess in the mirror
The frustration wells up
At the pointlessness upon the surface
At the feeling of being unjustified in sadness
At the feeling that we are too weak
To keep this wave
From being the last one
The one that drags this weakling
Or falsified will power
Down into the depths
The darkest depths
The deepest depths
Depths eternal
I am not the only one
Who can only swim for so long
I wish this shared struggle
Were indeed shared
But the truth is it isn't.
The truth is that while we are not alone
In this struggle
We must each swim alone
Swim alone
Sink alone
Drown alone
In an ocean filled
With weak and weakened swimmers
So smile and brace
For the next wave
Stand for yourself
Be grateful for the loved ones who stand with
Even though you must leave them at the shoreline
You must swim alone
But for what it's worth
You--we--have people
People hoping with all they have to hope with
That we'll come back
And are ready to bloody their hands
As we pick up what's left of us
Piled up on the shoreline
Broken piles
Drowning in desperation
Spawned by fear, despite acceptance
Despite accepting
That the end is the most inevitable
Of all inevitabilities
We are still afraid
Afraid that we will be no stronger
In the next life
Then we were in this one
And that while the end is inevitable
Its absolution is not
The end is accepted for what it is
And feared for the exact same reason
Its potential is greater
That that of our lives...
I would continue,
But my muscles grow weak,
My mind grows weary,
And the tide is coming in.
Something Precious
Something Precious
The fact that there are endings
Makes the space between them
And the beginnings
All the more precious
No matter how long it takes
For the river
To erode the stone
No matter how long it takes
To find the answer
To the most important questions
And even though
You're the stone in the river
And it is time
That will forever flow long after
You are less than pebble dust
Burst forth from your shell
Unleashing your special gift
To inhabit the river,
Changing its course
It's the change that matches time
In its eternity
The fact that there are endings
Makes the space between them
And the beginnings
All the more precious
No matter how long it takes
For the river
To erode the stone
No matter how long it takes
To find the answer
To the most important questions
And even though
You're the stone in the river
And it is time
That will forever flow long after
You are less than pebble dust
Burst forth from your shell
Unleashing your special gift
To inhabit the river,
Changing its course
It's the change that matches time
In its eternity
The Other Side of the Coin
The Other Side of the Coin
You can never learn
Something you already know
You can never reach up to a plateau
Upon which you already stand
The past is never a place
To which you can return
The past is pictures
Posts
Updates
And forgotten relationships
Preserved on networks
Of artificial memory
You are more than that
More than could ever be uploaded
Onto the most advanced technology
It's in that complication
That you find your present
And your potential
You'll do so much more than short circuit.
You'll break, tear, and crumble
And stumble
Up, out of the rubble
Sometimes you won't be stronger
Not at first
And not for a while
Maybe not for a very
Very
Very
Long time
So long sometimes
It may appear
To be your new permanence
But just as much as you are more
More than what brings you down
More than your failures
More than your past
Your are more than your present
You cannot be more
If you end it
Before you get there
Potential does not exist
Within the empty space
Of blank pages
Found at the end
Of a could-have-been epic
So, turn the page
Even though it means
You'll have to
Flip the coin...
You can never learn
Something you already know
You can never reach up to a plateau
Upon which you already stand
The past is never a place
To which you can return
The past is pictures
Posts
Updates
And forgotten relationships
Preserved on networks
Of artificial memory
You are more than that
More than could ever be uploaded
Onto the most advanced technology
It's in that complication
That you find your present
And your potential
You'll do so much more than short circuit.
You'll break, tear, and crumble
And stumble
Up, out of the rubble
Sometimes you won't be stronger
Not at first
And not for a while
Maybe not for a very
Very
Very
Long time
So long sometimes
It may appear
To be your new permanence
But just as much as you are more
More than what brings you down
More than your failures
More than your past
Your are more than your present
You cannot be more
If you end it
Before you get there
Potential does not exist
Within the empty space
Of blank pages
Found at the end
Of a could-have-been epic
So, turn the page
Even though it means
You'll have to
Flip the coin...
One Side of the Coin
One Side of the Coin
Why is trying
The best I can do?
When does all that trying
Amount to something?
Pull them boot straps!
Get back up!
Try! Try again!
No excuses!
When do I get
To reach
For a dream
So much bigger than me
And do more than hope?
Hope and try
When do things get better?
No!
When do I get better?
When does the practice
Make perfect?
When does it at least
Make better?
Mediocre at best
Time
And time again
How many seconds more
Must add up to
"It could be worse"
How many minutes more
Must I waste asking
"Why isn't it better?"
There's no more time
Nothing left
To do a better job
Do it!
Do it now!
Flip the coin...
Why is trying
The best I can do?
When does all that trying
Amount to something?
Pull them boot straps!
Get back up!
Try! Try again!
No excuses!
When do I get
To reach
For a dream
So much bigger than me
And do more than hope?
Hope and try
When do things get better?
No!
When do I get better?
When does the practice
Make perfect?
When does it at least
Make better?
Mediocre at best
Time
And time again
How many seconds more
Must add up to
"It could be worse"
How many minutes more
Must I waste asking
"Why isn't it better?"
There's no more time
Nothing left
To do a better job
Do it!
Do it now!
Flip the coin...
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Benjamin: Two Hundred Tries Later
Benjamin: Two Hundred Tries Later
This is me
In my happy loneliness
Miles traversed
Surrounded
Supported
Forgiven
Forgotten
Remembered for what I've done
And perhaps, maybe,
Just maybe,
Who I am.
Remembered,
But on my own.
Alone at the finish line
And why?
Because adults get married
While children play pretend
Holding the hand of an imaginary friend
Staring across at all that time
On the other side of the finish line
So, who am I?
To stand here alone
As I cross the threshold?
I am the last kid on the playground
The last one to put away the finger paint
The last one to wake up from nap time,
Because dreams will always be better than reality
At least the naive dreams of a child
At least
I am me
And a child
Is who I choose to be
Stepping up to,
But refusing to cross
The finish line
So when the rest step across
And head home
To the next chapter
I'll sit here
Keeping their place
Along the other side of the line
For whenever they come to visit
This is me
In my happy loneliness
Miles traversed
Surrounded
Supported
Forgiven
Forgotten
Remembered for what I've done
And perhaps, maybe,
Just maybe,
Who I am.
Remembered,
But on my own.
Alone at the finish line
And why?
Because adults get married
While children play pretend
Holding the hand of an imaginary friend
Staring across at all that time
On the other side of the finish line
So, who am I?
To stand here alone
As I cross the threshold?
I am the last kid on the playground
The last one to put away the finger paint
The last one to wake up from nap time,
Because dreams will always be better than reality
At least the naive dreams of a child
At least
I am me
And a child
Is who I choose to be
Stepping up to,
But refusing to cross
The finish line
So when the rest step across
And head home
To the next chapter
I'll sit here
Keeping their place
Along the other side of the line
For whenever they come to visit
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