Mountain Man

Mountain Man

"You sir, yes you sir!"
He charges at me dressed in fur.

"Do you know what day it is?"
He smells of bad eggs and piss.

"Yes sir, indeed I do."
He's soaked with mud through and through.

"I've been lost in the mountains for so long!"
I dare not question him, he couldn't be wrong.

"Well sir, today is the second."
He asks me it is the weekend.

"No sir, the weekend is over by two days now."
His face sunk, as sad as rain clouds.

"My family, every weekend, goes on a picnic in the park."
As he reminisced, the sun went down, the sky became dark.

"Do you have a place to stay for the night?"
He stood up straight and he looked filled with might.

"No sir, I've decided."
I reassure that he's been invited.

"No sir, no, I can't hide anymore."
Understanding this mountain man is a real chore.

"I thought you were lost."
He explained his cost was his own.

"It was my fault that I ended up in the mountain all this time."
My wife is gonna kill me; I've got a ways to get home, and dinners at nine.

"One day I ran away from home afraid of losing my fortune."
This mountain man can really narrate, I tell you.

"Three days later I returned ashamed."
Apparently, his family had already moved here to Maine.

"They live with her mother now."
He speaks of her in spire, calling her a cow.

"I hurried her to apologize."
Yep, no doubt, my wife is going to rip out my eyes.

"I couldn't work up the courage to approach them."
Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'll probably get home at ten.

"Instead I could only admire them from afar."
I imagined my tongue in a jar.

"However, I needed a place to stay and I had no money."
Please, oh please, shut up!  I thought, or I own't get any honey.

"I ran away into the mountains and worked tirelessly on my cabin."
I have to end this conversation now, I can't let this happen.

"Unfortunately, after regaining my strength I forgot how to get back down."
My wife, waiting, ready to beat me silly, wearing only a nightgown.

"Now I must return to my cabin."
He's decided he doesn't deserve to try again.

"Thank you for listening, I appreciate it."
My wife, dear God, the fire is lit.

"Wait!" I cry as he turns away.
He tells me that he really can't stay.

"Is there room in your cabin for two?
He laughs, surprisingly it sounds like a baby's coo.