1d10

1d10

The classic scale
Of high to low
Low to high
A double digit goal
Now obtainable
With a single roll
Percentages checked
Numbers to match
The parts of the whole
An ominous countdown
To the unknown, dark corners
Of the hidden passageways
That lead to the secrets kept
From those without the seeker's strength

1d8

1d8

Two pyramids sit atop the other
The base of either interchangeable
At the beck and call
Of gravity's whim
Fate's indifference
And Destiny's inconsistent influence
More sides
Leading to more possibilities
But the original four
Are never far behind

1d6

1d6

The standard set
In the mortal realms
Of mortal rollers
Adventures in circles
Around and around
Until there is only one left
Holding the crown
Made of paper, plastic,
And defeated competitors

1d4

1d4

A one in four chance
Melees measured in quarters
Mysteries explored
In the deepest of dungeons
And the tallest of towers
One facing out
To each point of the compass

My Path Runs Ahead of Me and My Plans - Canto Nine

My Path Runs Ahead of Me and My Plans - Canto Nine

From a dorm so small
To a space all my own
My bed, my desk, my closet
My room attached to my bathroom

Classes are harder
As to be expected
Year long friendships ending
Harder than ever expected

Do adults keep friends
The way that children do
A commitment to communication
Despite adulthood schedules

A time of transition
Made all the more difficult
By a population too great in number
To feel outstanding

Is it selfish to want
To be noticed
To be counted
To be known

Is part of this transition
The realization that I am one
Of far too many
To be remembered

My Path Runs Ahead of Me and My Plans - Canto Eight

My Path Runs Ahead of Me and My Plans - Canto Eight

A higher education
They called it
With an ever higher price
Then some could ever pay

Adults as classmates
Adults as professors
Adults as discussion leaders
Adults as coworkers

Could it be
We lose our child's heart
Among the lecture halls
Or in between the novel-length lecture notes

Could it be
We gain something of equal value
To that of the heart lost
For knowledge gained

Do we pursue our goals
Out of fear
Or determination
Or legitimate fascination

Are we not yet well-rounded
Must we continue with the rigor
Of a multiple subject lack of focus
Work without relation to our futures

Are we not yet adults
And therefore know
What we wish to learn
What we need to succeed

Like Talking to a Brick Wall

Like Talking to a Brick Wall

You tell the kids to sit down and shut up.
But when was the last time you encouraged them to stand up and speak up?

You tell the kids you know the answer and they don't.
But when was the last time you admitted to not knowing; opening your mind to learning?

You tell the kids their problems are small and will pass.
But when was the last time you lived in the present; open to new perspectives?

You tell the kids you know best, because you've been there before.
But when was the last time you learned without failure?

You tell the kids it's not enough.
But when was the last time that it was?

You tell the kids they don't know how easy they have it.
But when was the last time you knew something without living it?

You tell the kids everything they need to hear to be broken, so that you can shape them in your image.
But when will it matter to you that who they could have been will now never be?

Children are children
And
Adults are adults

I'm not here to say we lost sight of that at some point.
I'm here to say there may be no goal more important than learning this truth.

Learning is learning
And
Difficult
And
Never ending

The trials of adulthood are not the beginning of the struggle.
Nor is it the end of growth.

I've been told before,
I don't get to have an opinion on this,
Because I don't have children
And I cannot possibly comprehend the challenges of parenthood.

I tell myself the same thing
I tell my students
When faced with a voice
That aims to silence yours.

Stand up.
Speak up.
Seek the answers
And admit to it when you don't have them.
Your problems are yours.
No matter the problems of others;
They're still yours.
Do not live in relativism;
Keep your mind open and educated.
You will never be too old to learn something new.
Who you are now is enough for now
And if it isn't, then it simply means
It's time to grow;
To take your next step
And no one else's.

Live, learn, and be who you want to be.

I do not demand;
I only request
That part of who you want to be...

Be a person of balance in a world of chaos.

Patience

Patience

How much longer must this take?
How much longer can I wait?

How much harder must I try?
How much harder until I fly?

How much time has already passed?
How can I make time last?

How many more chances will I get?
How many more mistakes will I regret?

How many more lessons are there to learn?
How many more times must I burn?

How long must I be left with questions?
How long without answers and only suggestions?

How long is life a journey without a final destination?

Made Stronger

Made Stronger

Starlit dreams of fading memories
Links made whole
And forever bound
By a bond made strong
In sincerity

A chain of what once was
A chain of weight and worry
Lifted from my shoulders
Replaced by a chain shared
Between two hearts

Two hearts of empathy empowered
By the connection between them

Two hearts
One chain
True love

A Certain Uncertainty

A Certain Uncertainty

Anticipation bubbling up
Rising to a surface made of murky water
Pulled out to sea by concussive waves
Unrelenting in my lost memories
Of all those lessons on how to be cool
An uncertain future can only be faced
With certainty in who you are
Standing before the forever certain, incoming tide

Off My Feet

Off My Feet

You knocked me off my feet
But I'm not mad
It's nice down here
Looking up at you
And the light you emanate

Transfixing my eyes
Grabbing my attention
Filling my ears with your sweet voice

I've only just begun
To see you
Hear you
Know you

And once I do
Get back up
I'm certain what's yet to come
Will be just as fun

Forever Family

Forever Family

Separated by space
Divided by time
Bound by bond
Across the vastness
We remain connected
We sail upon our boats of individuality
Sails made of strength
Held tight by ropes made of courage
Conquering new challenges
With the lighthouse at our backs
It follows us
Giving us a light to find
Should darkness ever become too much
A light that never goes out
A family that stays family
Forever

Shout! Voice With Purpose

Shout! Voice With Purpose

How might your voice be heard?
Do you write, speak, sing, or dance?
Do you act, paint, draw, or enchant?
Do you grab ahold of an audience's attention?
Do you then treat that gift as the precious thing it is?

When times grow loudest
Noise made of chaos, hatred, and greed
Do you stand in apathy
Your voice so desperately needed
Yet locked away by your own indifference

When times grow silent
No one with anything meaningful to say
Do you rise up
To be the voice that leads
With apathy discarded and empathy held high

However you make make your voice heard
Speak with the courage it takes
To be honest
And form authentic and meaningful connections
Through voice

Together, a voice with purpose made
Of love, wisdom, and empathy
May sound deafened by the sheer volume
Of ignorant hatred
But only to shallow ears

Speak to as many as you can
With quality forever your priority over quantity
And you might just be the one
Who rescues those minds
From their self-made, shallow prisons

It is from this collective freedom
That we can finally take that big step forward
Into a place of progress
In which we continue to shape our voices
For better and brighter days

Discoveries Made in Repeat Attempts

Discoveries Made in Repeat Attempts

Introspection is not quick
It is the single longest marathon
Of your life
With the potential
To last as long as you are capable of it

Everyday a new question
New idea
New challenge
New failure
New success
New growth

Sometimes, yes, it may feel
It's just more of the same
However, keep your mind open
To the new that can come
From returning to the same

Introspective journeys are seldom
If ever
A single trip

Stars Fallen Forever Freed

Stars Fallen Forever Freed

Stars have fallen
Once, twice, three times more
And more
And more
And more
As many stars that grace the night sky
Stars have fallen
And will fall
Forever free
Of willful demand upon them
Forever free
To be
Whether shining
Or fallen

The Vitality of Voice

The Vitality of Voice

A writer's written words
Will forever outlast
A writer's body and mind

This is voice
And its greatest potential

Fallen Mind Tripping Over Weakened Heels

Fallen Mind Tripping Over Weakened Heels

With one look
She becomes more
Than who I need
Becoming who I want

Daring me to aim
For someone greater
Than simply who I need

To choose living
Over surviving
To choose thriving
Over compromising
To reach new heights of potential
Made possible by us
To aim for both gift and given
As we build something
Far greater together
Than either of us could apart

Ariel: A Browncoat Ballad

Ariel: A Browncoat Ballad

Feeding pigeons sounds better
Than eating food that smells like crotch
But the Core ain't no place for coats
Of a brownish color

Nor is it the place to be
For a gorram freak
That prefers that others wear a shirt
Of a reddish color

Sometimes the best way
To find work
Is to go lookin'
Close to home

Meds are quite the lucrative business
Stealing from the rich
Selling to the poor
A payment worth the risk

A mechanic and pilot
Unknowingly volunteer for the wrong side of the Core
Wrong, but true
A sample of the filth the Alliance is built upon

Gunners ain't doctors
And junk don't fly
But they might just do
In a pinch made blue

A brother's dream
To end his sister's nightmares
Must be confronted
In deep sleep

While in slumber
A nightmare wakes
Born of betrayal
Fueled by fury

With lights and sounds
Flowing through his sister
A brother's heart breaks
To find her brain was ravaged

And now his sister
Feels everything
She can't not
She can't not feel the hands of blue

Those hands of blue
Tightening their grip
From across the universe
Forever haunting

The feds have their ducks in a row
But Browncoats keep fightin'
Never really expectin' things
To go according to the gorram plan

Blue hands make
Purple bellies red
Piercing screams
Intensifying waking nightmares

Let the warning be clear
You turn on the crew
You turn on the captain
Which could leave you flash frozen and particularly skinny

With knowledge, a doctor can heal her
With his heart, a brother can save her
No more sleeping Meimei
It's time to wake up

Summer Soul Searching Part 3: The Return of Mr. Bray

Summer Soul Searching Part 3: The Return of Mr. Bray

In brightest day, I teach
In blackest night, I teach

No struggle in my classroom
Shall escape my sight

Despite the evil might
That may try and stop me
Beware my power
A rediscovered light

A light born of hope
Fueled by will

And forever driven by those
Who matter most

They know who they are
My kiddos

Summer Soul Searching Part 2: Instead

Summer Soul Searching Part 2: Instead

Instead I crashed
Through the surface
Of my fragile plate
Tumbling downward

Further and further
Faster and faster

Tumbling turning to tormented freefalling

At the very bottom of my fall
A fire ignited
And its green flow lit the way
Back to who've
I've always been proudest to be

Justice At Cost

Justice At Cost

The frustrations of the righteous
Made worse by the sociopathic nature of the wicked
One's ability to care made into a weapon
That cuts deeper than any knife
Held in the madman's hands

Agents of entropy accelerated
Cannot lose
Not when their only purpose
Is to sow seeds of doubt

To the victor go the spoils
A rotted world
Wherein the innocent try to live
Among the ruins left in the wake
Of the never-ending battle

The heroes rise up and fight
For those that do not possess
The hope necessary to battle inevitability
There will always be a need for heroes

This need comes at a terrible cost
A bill to be paid by neither hero nor villain

A bill to be paid
In loss of self

Heroes are lifted up
Blocking from our eyes
The truth
We could be those heroes if we had the courage to hope

In a World of Touch Screens and Texting I Still Write

In a World of Touch Screens and Texting I Still Write

I know the sense
Behind back ups
And back ups
For the back ups

I've experienced the convenience
Of touch screen technology
Communication
At my fingertips

In spite of this
My words flow; they do not drag
From mind to pen
Pen to paper

The List Grows Longer

The List Grows Longer

One
One more
One more switch of the light
One more raising of the pen
One more page to fill
One more thought that slaughters the sheep
One more waking nightmare
One more reason to write
One more thing I can't say
One more confession made in penance
For everything on my list

This Fire Don't Burn Out

This Fire Don't Burn Out

A faith discovered in the ashes
A devotion driven by the flames

Flames, not of rebirth
Flames, not of beginnings

Flames purely
Flames entirely
Flames eternally
Flames of fire
Flames of fire unforgiving
Flames of fire forever embracing

The faintest of sparks
The most dire of darkness
The light forever made bright
By a willingness to fight
For oneself and for the light
For all those in need of the fire's
Embrace, love, and power

Summer Soul Searching Part 1: Trying Again... and Again... and Again...

Summer Soul Searching Part 1: Trying Again... and Again... and Again...

It could've been me
Standing there strong and free
From the shackles of anxiety

It could have been me
If not for the bend in my knee
Brought down by the self-made weight of worry

I could have been me
Existing entirely in and of me
Looking inward at me

Looking inward for a change
Looking to expand upon my range

It could have been

But it wasn't him

It wasn't the man who stands here this day

Instead...

Farewell 2018

Farewell 2018

Fond memories
Again made priceless
Recalling
Everyone's
Well wishes, warm hearts, and willful spirits
Expressed in voice
Linked by a common goal
Loved forever and always

2 many memories to count
0 excuses; warriors determined to succeed
1 class I could never forget
8 billion lives potentially changed for the better

Not Quite Yet

Not Quite Yet

It's in the darkest of times
That the brightest of lights shine

It's when one is lost deepest to the darkness
That his friends cry out the loudest

Believe in those bright lights
And follow those voices home
In the open arms of the ones who care the most
You will have once again found hope

You will not have found your solution
A truth found solely in introspection
But before drifting too far off in meditations
Return home for alleviation

Searching for truth is one's personal responsibility
But there is no weakness, no failure
In finding strength and respite
Thanks to the help of others

You matter
And your problems matter too

You are loved
And your heart loves too

To you
My friends, my family, my heart and hope
I say thank you for being the light in the darkness

Breathing

Breathing

I want to feel again
To dream again
Believe again

Again

Again I fall short
Outside of what could be
Entrenched strictly within

Within the lungs
Of the man in the maze
That loses breath
With every exhale

Inhaling does not
Return the breath from its escape
Inhaling brings in only
New air to waste

You can never regain
What you cut loose

It may return to you
But at the point

The choice is never yours

Finished

Finished

Can my fellow broken
Hear me now
Feel me now
Be here with me now

Can you see
What I have to say

I am a pile
Of broken pieces
Held together
By a makeshift bond

I do not stand
I crawl
Scraping at the ground beneath
Clawing into the surface
The same way I gouge out my eyes
Digging for that last tear
To use as my final effort
To bond my decaying remains

What could it be
That drives what's left of me
To scrape by one more time
To survive one more day

Some would say it's belief
But I no longer believe

Some would say it's a strength I don't know I have
But whatever strength I've ever shown was only for show

Faking it
Until I make it

Faking it
Until I make it

Faking it
Until I make it

How much of me must be lost
To succeed in going from faking it
To making it

Is such success even certain
Can making it be earned
By effort alone

Is the finish line reserved
For those who are still standing
When they cross it?

Adulting: Disillusionment At Its Finest

Adulting: Disillusionment At Its Finest

One may think
Time is a thief
It inevitably steals
All semblance of hope

Eventually a child
Becomes an adult

Eventually all hope
Is lost

A life once lived
In hope and faith
Becomes a life lost
To the all too true

Time is no thief
Time is a conqueror
With infinite victories
A forever perfect fight record

Our lives
Despite noble efforts
Are merely collateral damage
In this fight

Between what is
Was
And will be

Raise A Glass

Raise Your Glass

Raise a glass
While you still can

To the battles lost
You're still standing

To the blood shed
You're still breathing

To the tears spent
You're still crying

To the struggle
To the challenge
To the longest days
To the darkest nights

To going through all of it
And still being here

Destined Fates: The New Year

Destined Fates: The New Year

It's never me
That would be missed
But instead everything
I could be

Forget what I was
Because it could never have been
Enough

Thank you for thinking more of me
Than I could ever be

Truth Be Told

I am imperfection
In my impermanence
My temporary reality
Is all to real
I am all too scared
Of all that is true
All that is real
Really, truly inescapable truth
Truth: the power that is made powerful by permanence
There is no freedom in the journey of uncertainty
And all the control lies in the hands
Of the omnipresent, unstoppable truth
Despite a mortal's best effort to quantify
Qualify, and otherwise rationalize
Beyond the metaphysical limitations
Of inevitable, mortal limitations

From Starlight's Dreaming Gaze

From Starlight's Dreaming Gaze

Star light, star bright
The last star seen each night
Is the star that sings for you
So that your heart may hear
And your mind may watch
Starlight's mysteries unfold
Your dreams, sound sleeper

Your dreams light the stars in the sky
Staying bright so that all may dream
So that all may still have the chance
To believe in unconscious uncertainty
To rest weary heads
So that the mind may finally live
Even if it be just one night at a time

Open Eyes Only to the Future

Open Eyes Only to the Future

Why must what's next earn our focus?

Why can't our eyes stay present?

Why must our current loss
Be less meaningful
Than our yet to be potential?

Why must the moon
Set green;
Washing over the sacrificed horizon?

For it is the strength of will
That brings the next day.

Horizon's Potential

Horizon's Potential

Why must the colors
Of the horizon thereafter
Forever be of contradictory nature

Why must the sky be made
Of golden yellow
With the promise of a brighter future

And at the same time the same light
Be tethered to the far more realistic

Be tied to the reality
Of humanity's limitations

How could the horizon carry hope
When the imperfect creatures
Carry an indifferent torch
Into future's unknown

Vengeance

Vengeance

The tale of revenge
Has no beginning
Without injustice
Without evil taking away
From those without the power
To protect themselves

The tale of revenge
Therefore requires a hero
In flux
Who will
At some point
Decide to be heroic
Or powerful
But never both

Last Journey

Last Journey

One lock
Two lock
Three lock
Four
My hair falling forward
As my closed eyes fail
To keep up with my descent
Into an unknown
That I don't know
I'll remember
When life rears its head
And the next day passes judgment

I am no longer a man of justice
And the morning comes for me
With a vengeance

I am an immoral loss
To the darkness all consuming
Of lights too weak to stand
Against the tide of unceasing wrath
No life can be without

I brush back the hair in my eyes
And again
I foolishly believe

Homecoming

Homecoming

It's you who holds my heart at home
And therefore my hope for homecoming
My travels, my journeys, and my discoveries
Expand my perspective
Enlighten my mind
Enliven my soul
But it's here at home that I find
Love worth cherishing
Life worth living
And dreams worth fighting for
It's you who holds my heart
In hands forever trusted

New Game +

New Game +

There is no denying
The times in which
I wished with all of my very real heart
That this very real life was more like the digital world
My favorite story line replayed
But with an insight that gives me power; control
Here in this life with so many moments
That feel like game over
I have to keep going
With less than I had before
Leveling down
While the challenges grow stronger
Unlike the digital world
I cannot walk away from a challenge too hard
There is no choice in this very real world
But to try again
Or is there?
No, that is not a choice
That is a forced finale
Why world, may I not begin again
With the knowledge needed
To actually succeed
Instead of survive
The second time around

First Step

First Step

It is said:
Take care of oneself first

There is an assumption
That each next step
Is harder than the last

But, in this moment of compassion
We are reminded
That in all instances of love
The first step is the hardest

Unloving

Unloving

As one who loves
Am I not inherently asking
To be loved in return
And how could this ever be a fair request
Prior to discovering
          relishing
          valuing
          cherishing
Self-love
A love--no--the love
That has evaded me from the beginning

Problems

Problems

Problems insight confrontations
Confrontations too often
Built upon a flipped coin

Flipping back and forth
As if the right side
Is always face down

Will it make any difference
If we flip it one more time?

No, because there is no difference to make

It's a coin flip
And we have nothing to do
With which side eludes us

Beginning in the Middle

Beginning in the Middle

Where is it that hope for the future arises?
Must the past be worse than what is next?
Must the present be what you wish to leave in the past?
Why must our eyes be made to look
But only forward?

Writing in the Dark

Writing in the Dark

I cannot see
But I can feel
My soul leaving me
Escaping what's left of what I've become

My mind; this incoherent mess
Is no place for a free spirit
Its place is on the page

Intended Intentions

Intended Intentions

Intent intends to do
            what intent intends to do
It is a half measure at its best
By its very nature
It can solve nothing

You can intend for your intentions
To match up with your actions
But actions are a mystifying force
              beyond mortal comprehension

Their impact from beginning to end
Could be so long delayed
That with such derived duration
The purpose, origin, and destination
Are all forgotten
From minds and hearts
As inherently limited as intentions